I feel a certain way
So many things on my mind
When I look to the future I’m not too happy with what I see
When I look to the future
I’m not too happy about not knowing what is to come
A little uneasy.
But I should just
There are some things it don’t believe in
Achievements for others
No big deal to me
But I should be happy for them
In this happiness for the other
Is there a little trace of sorrow for myself?
Not a good thing
I have. I did. I was–relaxed.
For a minute I could breathe.
Then the anesthesia of pleasantness wears off
And then I remember
All my problems reemerge
Flooding back to the light
And I get this uneasy feeling
Which is a bit difficult to pinpoint
But this feeling of uneasiness
It’s really driven by fear
This may just be the root of all my problems.
Because if I faced discord or challenges head-on
I wouldn’t be here
I’d have nothing to loose
Because I know I’ve tried
And I’ve put myself–my best self–out there
And the world can take it or leave it
But now I’m trapped in a box of fear
Waiting for tomorrow to muster up the strength to handle and solve
I’m on the verge
I could be in that place at peace in the midst of it all–whether it’s chaos or good times
But my shoes are full of cement
Cement of fear
And I need to make a move
If I don’t,
I’ll beat myself up
And wind into a cycle of some degree of self-loathing
I don’t want to be there
If I’m not there already
But I’m just being honest
I’m in a weird time space
But it’s time to buck up
I must remember the golden rule.
My Golden Rule.
Something I heard from somewhere:
Success or progress is the culmination of a series of small steps or small failures
I feel like what I’ve said just may not even make sense
That’s how up and down I am
How uncertain and certain.
Whether that may be, I still have to go about my day.